Thank you for outreaching to us. It is really brave to admit when you are struggling and ask for help. Because you’re 18, you are entitled to privacy in your medical and mental health care. We would recommend that you talk to to your primary care provider to get advice about the process of finding a therapist. If you are under your parents’ insurance plan and want to use that to pay for counseling, then going to therapy without them knowing is potentially more complicated, however your provider would be able to provide more in-depth support.
If you need further support, we suggest outreaching to a trusted adult such as a mentor or school counselor. If you feel like you are in danger of harming yourself or others, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800-273-8255) to speak to somebody immediately or call 911. It sounds like you are very resilient and are doing a great job advocating for yourself. Wishing you healing and support on your journey.