my friends tend to come to me for relationship advice, which is fine, but i dont always know what to say. what should i say when my friend just broken up with, and feels really upset? or when she feels like she hates him? or cant get over him?

It’s really cool that your friends feel safe coming to you for support! And it makes total sense that you don’t always know what to say. Most people don’t. Breakups can bring up a lot of big feelings, and there isn’t one perfect thing to say that fixes everything.

The good news is that you don’t have to have the magic words. One of the best ways to help is just to listen and be there. You can say things like, “I’m not totally sure what to say, but I’m really sorry you’re going through this,” or “That sounds really hard.” Letting your friend know their feelings make sense is actually really comforting.

When we stress about giving the perfect advice, we can end up focusing on ourselves instead of our friend. Just being present, listening, and showing kindness usually helps way more than having the exact right answer. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is simply sit with them and let them know they’re not alone.

If you are even in a situation where you are worried about how upset a friend is or they don’t seem consolable for a long period of time, that is a great time to reach out to a trusted adult (like a parent/guardian, school counselor, medical provider, clergy person, coach, etc.) to talk about what’s going on and to see if they can guide you with what to do.

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