My boyfriend asked if I wanted to try something new during sex and I said no. Even though I continued to say no he wouldn’t stop. Afterwards, he apologized and begged me to forgive him and said that he just got “caught up in the moment but it keeps happening.” I’m really at a loss here because I have severe PTSD and have been molested as a child and he knows this yet he’s repeatedly gone against my wishes. What should I do?

Thank you for your question. We’re glad that you reached out to us. What your boyfriend is doing is absolutely NOT okay. It sounds like you’ve done a great job knowing and communicating your boundaries and he has repeatedly violated them. Doing sexual things without someone’s consent is NEVER okay and is in fact against the law. Being in a relationship with someone does not give them permission or give consent to do things with you that you have explicitly said you are uncomfortable doing.

It is normal for someone who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse to find that their trauma has an impact on their adult relationships, but everyone has the right to have their body and their feelings respected regardless of their past experiences. The behavior you’re describing is abusive, and you deserve better than that. Since your boyfriend’s inappropriate and abusive behavior is continuing despite telling him to stop over and over again, it’s time that you thought about ending this unhealthy relationship. If you are scared or don’t know what to say to him, reach out to a school or health center counselor, close friend and/or trusted adult such as a parent, aunt or older sister. Call a hotline such as: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) so you can make a safety plan. It will likely be difficult at first, but with time you will be able to move on. Remember that you are worthy of healthy relationships with friends, family and sexual partners.

For more information about healthy and unhealthy relationships, we recommend these resources: