Setting rules about using the internet is a family decision. The more you know, the easier it will be for you to communicate with your teen and keep her safe.
What is e-mail?
“E-mail” is short for “electronic mail”. You can write an e-mail using a mail client (such as Gmail) on your computer or smartphone, and then send it via the internet to be read by other people. When e-mail is en route from one computer to another, it’s stored on a computer called a server until the recipient reads the message.
Harmful materials can sometimes be sent via e-mail, so it’s important to caution your daughter not to open links or attachments (pictures, music, movies, etc.) from addresses she doesn’t recognize. Attachments can give your computer a virus (program that can harm your computer), and links can send you to unwanted websites.
What is a URL, and what does the URL say about the quality of a website?
URL stands for “uniform resource locator”. You can think of it as a website’s “address”. The most common way of finding a URL is through a search engine such as Google or Bing, but you can find useful URLs from printed resources such as magazines and books. When you see a URL listed on a web page, it’s called a “link” and when you click on it your browser will take you to the website connected with that web address.
The ending of a URL can give you an idea about what type of web address it is. Some of the most common endings include:
- .com addresses are often connected with a commercial site or a company that is selling something. For example, a site where you can purchase something.
- .org web addresses are usually owned by an organization. For example, this site (youngwomenshealth.org) is connected with the Center for Young Women’s Health.
- .net addresses are commonly used by internet technology organizations, such as internet service providers (ISPs) and other communication companies. The “.net” ending comes from the word “network”.
- .uk (United Kingdom) or .ca (Canada) are examples of endings that are used or reserved for a specific country.
- .gov addresses are US government websites. The US government has a health site for girls at: girlshealth.gov.
- .edu sites are reserved for “educational institutions” such as schools, colleges, and universities. One example of a university website is: harvard.edu.
What should I know about downloading?
“Downloading” means copying content from the internet onto your computer or another device such as a smartphone or tablet. Downloading can be a quick and easy way to get a file, software, or information you want. For example, you can download songs or movies on iTunes, or get the latest version of a browser from the Google Chrome page.
If you give your daughter permission to download content, make sure that she that she only does so from trustworthy websites to avoid copying harmful or unwanted files. If she doesn’t know where the file is coming from, it’s better for her not to download it, because of the risk of downloading a virus that may harm her device. If she begins downloading something by mistake, it’s likely that there is an “X”, “Stop”, or “Cancel” button she can click to cancel the download. Also make sure that the computer your family uses has updated virus protection software.
Handheld devices including smartphones and tablets can also become infected with viruses. This can happen, for example, if she downloads an attachment from a sketchy website or visits a website that collects information from her browser. Most of the companies that make anti-virus software for computers/laptops now have a version for mobile devices, and some are free.
What is a social networking site?
A social networking site is a website that focuses on facilitating the building of social networks among people who share interests, activities, backgrounds, or real-life connections. Joining a social networking site allows users to create personal profiles that may include photos, music, and videos, as well as to chat with friends. Some of the most popular social networking sites that teens use include Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.
My daughter wants to join a social network. What privacy settings should we be aware of?
When joining a social networking site, it’s very important for you and your daughter to go through the privacy settings. At first, the privacy settings will be set to “default”. That means that whichever social network she’s joined has already put some privacy settings in place. For instance, if your daughter is joining Facebook, the default settings may be already set as “private”, but people may still be able to see certain parts of her timeline (profile). It’s important to go into the privacy settings (for any social network she joins) and customize them, because the “default” settings might not be right for her.
Additionally, social networking site privacy rules and options can change over time, so it’s a good idea for you and your daughter to revisit her settings from time to time and make sure they’re up to date. This video is a great resource for helping you understand privacy settings on Facebook.
Other things to think about if your daughter is joining Facebook: It’s important to talk to your teen about setting restrictions on her timeline so that it’s only accessible to those people she wants to share information with. When she decides to add someone as a “friend”, she’s adding that person to her social network, and she’s allowing that person to see at least some of the information on her profile.
Generally, it’s safe for your daughter to add people to her social network that she knows in real life. If you prefer, you might want to suggest that your teen spend a little time in the beginning when she sets up her account to create groups such as “family”, “school friends”, “camp friends”, “work friends”, etc. She can then choose different privacy settings for each group so that she’s not sharing all of her personal information with everyone.
Talk to her about how future employers, college recruiters, coaches, and others frequently check online profiles. The following advice is generally a good rule of thumb: “If you feel comfortable taking a copy of your profile with you on a job interview, college interview, etc. your profile is probably okay”. If your daughter indicates she would be embarrassed by this, she can easily edit what she’s posted on her profile and/or what shows up on her timeline.
Why do parents and teens differ in the type of information they share?
Some parents who have viewed their teen’s online profile are shocked by what they see and read. For parents, it’s often “TMI” (“too much information”) and may even include details of behaviors such as alcohol or drug use, or even sexual encounters. It’s surprising but true that some teens may not actually realize that people other than their closest friends can view the information they share. They often don’t consider how easily information is spread. Even if your teen takes time to consider who she wants to view her posts, it’s often difficult to control what other people and organizations are going to do with that information. Therefore, it’s crucial for your daughter to understand her privacy settings so that she can protect her personal information.
Additionally, teens are often motivated to post information as a way of gaining acceptance from their peers. Sometimes the information is true and often surprises parents. If you’ve come across surprising posts or pictures from your teen, it may be helpful to talk with her about her reasons for posting the information. Keep in mind however, that in some cases, what teens post may be far from the truth. It’s possible that your daughter may post things (even if they aren’t true) simply to gain attention, or to impress or shock her friends.
Remember: In order to set up an account, many sites make filling out some basic information such as an online name and email address mandatory. However, filling out much of the additional information is often optional. Remind your teen that aside from the few required mandatory fields (usually indicated by an asterisk*), she can leave many fields blank and still set up a profile while protecting her privacy.
Should my teen use her real name online?
In most cases, your teen will be asked to provide her real name when setting up an online social network profile or account. For example, when registering for Facebook, new users must enter their actual first and last name. This is the name that will appear on her profile and will show up when others search for her. Twitter also requires that new users register using their real first and last name (this is the name that will appear on her profile), but users also create a “handle”, which is how they’re identified, messaged, and replied to. Twitter’s online help center offers some guidelines and tips for profile and account settings.
When setting up an e-mail address, using some version of your teen’s real name will help friends, teachers, and (future) employers identify her more easily. A practice used by many schools and companies is to use the first letter of a first name and last name. For example, Maria Lopez’s email address might be firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you have questions or concerns about how to help your daughter when registering for a social network, chat room, chat client, or e-mail account the “Terms of Service” feature should explain exactly how to set up an account and the rules and expectations for using the service.
How can I help my teen choose a safe online name?
Some social networks may give your daughter the option to choose a username, “chat” name, or, in Twitter’s case, a handle that she can use as an alias. When creating an online name, it’s important to consider the following: Teens and pre-teens often want their usernames to be “cool” and describe who they are. However, they may not realize that some names can be unfairly judged by people whom they don’t know well. For example, a name such as “hotbabe13” may be viewed as an open invitation for unwanted contact from people who are responding to the suggestive name, not to the person your teen really is. Suggest that your daughter create a name out of a combination of letters and numbers, the name of a candy bar, color, or another else that’s not personal. If the name or word is already taken, she can try adding a few numbers, for example, Green123 or Sunshine92. She shouldn’t, however, use her house number, birth date, or any other personal number.
What is texting/messaging? Is it safe?
Texting (also called messaging) is a way of having a conversation with someone by typing and sending messages through a smartphone, computer, or messaging app. Texting and messaging can occur privately between two people, or can involve a group of people, and in addition to text, photos and videos can easily be shared.
Common texting/messaging apps: Snapchat, WhatsApp, Kik, Facebook Messenger, Yik Yak, LINE, Viber
Texting/Messaging Safety: Before giving your teen permission to use a texting/messaging app, ask her the following questions:
- What does this app do? What is the purpose of this app, and what function will it serve in her life?
- How is she going to use it? Is she only going to use it for silly photo sharing with friends, or is this an app that is used in school and can be a potential distraction for class? Also, how will she control images she receives from others?
Have your daughter show you how to use their favorite texting/messaging app as this will give you a window into her world and let her demonstrate her mastery, which will help build trust between you. Also remind your teen that if anyone–regardless if it is someone she knows in real life, or an online friend–makes her feel uncomfortable in any way (such as by sending inappropriate photos or asking inappropriate questions) she should end the conversation immediately! Keep the lines of communication open with your teen, and check-in on a regular basis about how she’s using her phone to communicate with others. Make it clear that she can approach you whenever uncomfortable situations arise.
Tips for your teen when she’s texting/messaging with others:
- Private information should be kept private. Even if someone asks for personal information, remind your daughter that it’s always safer to keep that information to herself.
- Learn how to block/ignore people. Each social networking site, messaging app, or smartphone is different, but there is always a way to block, ignore, or unfriend users your daughter doesn’t want to communicate with.
- Avoid sexting. While your daughter may be under the impression that everyone her age is sending inappropriate photos or engaging in sexually explicit conversations, this isn’t necessarily the case, and she should not feel pressured to engage in sexting. Also remind her that nothing online is private, and that she needs to remember to think before texting.
Photo/Video tips: Teach your daughter to think twice before sending any photos or videos, whether group pictures or selfies. Although some messaging apps claim that messages, photos, and videos will “disappear” or “expire” after a set amount of time, there are ways to subvert these features, and once a picture is sent, there is no guarantee of privacy. Ensure that your daughter understands that she should never send inappropriate photos or videos of herself, even if she is sending them to someone she trusts such as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Remind your daughter that these photos and videos can easily end up in the hands of anyone–such as a teacher, future employer, or family member.
Bullying and Cyberbullying
“Bullying” (offline) and “cyberbullying” (also known as “online bullying”) are often used to refer to various kinds of mean behavior. However, they’re both specific types of mean, aggressive behavior, which are a part of a broader form of aggression and harassment.
Bullying is mean behavior that:
- Is intentional – the bullying is being done for a reason
- Involves the aggressive person using some sort of power over his/her victim. The aggressive person may feel powerful because she/he is popular, or he/she may simply feel entitled to put down others.
- Happens repeatedly – more than just a couple of times.
Bullying can be physical, verbal, or carried out through relationships, behind people’s backs. It can also involve actions that border on discrimination, whether it’s sexuality, gender, race, class, or something else.
Cyberbullying is bullying that occurs on the internet or on a mobile device. As technologies grow and change over time, so do new ways to use them to carry out acts of bullying.
Bullying and cyberbullying are not totally different things. They’re examples of the same kind of behavior – with the same social, cultural, and human roots – in different contexts. It’s often hard to separate bullying and cyberbullying, since young people’s experience of the online and offline worlds are so closely connected. For example, many online victims recognize, or know, their bullies in person (although they might only be bullied by him or her online). Conflicts dealing with relationships that start out offline may carry over to social media sites, cell phones, etc., or vice versa, and escalate into bullying. For example: A prank pulled in the locker room at school results in ongoing social humiliation through pictures shared via cell phones and online. Another example could start with a nasty Facebook post which leads to bullying at school.
So what counts as bullying and cyberbullying, and not other kinds of meanness? There are several types of behavior that can represent bullying when they’re repetitive, involve an imbalance of power between the bully and the victim, and involve intentional actions.
Some examples include:
- Regularly insulting someone for their sense of style, or bad grades.
- Someone repeatedly posts unflattering photos or offensive comments about a person on his/her Facebook timeline, or encourages others to do so.
- Someone creates a new website or online group meant specifically to insult another person.
- Someone shares texts of revealing photos of someone else without his/her permission. (Some might consider this to be a form of sexual harassment, but it also meets the criteria of cyberbullying).
Some examples of what bullying and cyberbullying are not:
- Occasional, one-time incidents, such as losing one’s temper or shouting.
- Posting a rude comment on someone else’s Facebook timeline.
- Disagreements, fights, or mean words that result from misunderstandings.
Still, things aren’t always crystal clear. People’s perception of bullying can vary. You, your daughter, and researchers, for instance, may have different associations with the word “bully”. For example, what you consider “bullying” your daughter might only call “drama”. The word “bully” may have personal or emotional associations for your teen, including negative ones that they’d rather not bring up. It’s important to keep in mind that conflicts your teen and her friends may have can start out as jokes, misunderstandings, or fallings-out, but can later escalate. Situations like this can become ongoing bullying situations, whether or not your daughter calls it by this name.
What’s more common – bullying offline, or online?
Offline bullying remains more common than cyberbullying. Offline bullying is more common among middle-schoolers, whereas online bullying tends to be most common among high school students.
What roles do teens play in online bullying?
Young people can be involved in bullying and play different roles: bully, victim, bully-victim, and bystander. However, these roles aren’t always clear-cut – bully-victims, for instance, are sometimes both victimized and may also bully others. Bystanders observe an act of bullying. Determining who’s a bystander online can be more challenging, since a virtual “presence” isn’t the same as being physically present to observe a bullying incident.
Regardless of what role a person plays, being involved in bullying both online and offline is connected with certain negative psychological, social, and academic consequences. Examples include: low self-esteem, trouble with relationships, and less success in school.
Other things to know about bullying at school: Your daughter’s relationship with her friends and others at school can affect the way she feels about bullying and can also affect her involvement in it. If she’s comfortable in her social group and her friends don’t support bullying, she likely won’t either. A teen whose friends don’t support bullying is also more likely to stand up for the victim if she witnesses bullying. However, if her friends are bullying others, it can be easy to give into peer pressure and take part in bullying with them. Within a middle or high school, students sometimes overestimate how common bullying really is, and are less likely to engage in bullying behaviors when they learn that it’s less common than they think.
What can teachers and parents do?
Schools and teachers can do a great deal to foster environments that help prevent bullying, and can respond to bullying in a timely way if and when it does happen. When students feel more connected to and supported by their parents and their school’s teacher and staff, bullying rates are often lower. Supportive environments generally don’t exhibit excessive punishment and rules are also consistently enforced.
When teachers take a stand in their students’ conflicts, students are more likely to seek help from them in the future. Other school staff play important roles, too, and can improve school environments when they know how to respond to conflict situations and support students involved.
There are three primary ways in which parents can support and guide students when it comes to bullying:
- Parents can influence their kids’ perceptions of bullying, and more broadly, about ways of engaging with their peers. It’s important for young people to understand that bullying and cyberbullying can be extremely serious. However, it’s also important for youth to learn how to feel empathy for others (including bullies) and to learn how to put themselves in another person’s shoes. Parents’ guidance can go a long way in fostering these abilities.
- The behavior that parents exhibit affects youth a great deal. Kids learn from the behavior they observe in their parents, beginning at an early age and then continuing through the teen years. Dialog becomes increasingly important during this time; parents interested in asking questions and learning about the online world can also help students explore complicated questions about how to be conduct themselves in the world, both online and offline.
- Parents can involve themselves in schools’ anti-bullying prevention programs and/or social and emotional learning programs. Such programs are typically more effective when parents participate – parents can learn much from one another’s respective experiences, and their engagement helps schools foster more supportive environments.
Responding to your child’s report of bullying: Listen to what your teen has to say (in her own words) about the bullying incident. Young people are generally more likely to disclose such incidents to friends rather than to adults, parents included. Try to create an environment that invites your daughter to talk about these issues. In some cases, it may be necessary for you to report a bullying/cyberbullying situation to school officials and the police.
In such cases, you and your daughter should be prepared to answer the following questions:
- What exactly was said? (Have your daughter print out a copy of the message/post/picture, or show the saved text message)
- What type of technology was used to make the threat? (IM, cell phone, other hand-held device)
- How often has the threat occurred?
- Do you know who is responsible for the threats? (Does your daughter know exactly who it is, does she think you know who is doing it, or does she not have any idea who is making the threats).
You can also guide your daughter as she reports abuse to the online application that was used to deliver the harassing behavior. For instance, if someone is repeatedly posting mean comments about her on Facebook, she can click the “Report/Mark as Spam” option that comes up on the right side of the post if as she mouses over the pencil icon. If someone is sending e-mails to her Gmail account that violate Gmail policies, have her fill out the form to report the abuse. Remember that she can usually block and filter users from contacting her by adjusting her privacy settings.
Information Quality: Searching, Evaluating, Sharing, and Creating Information Online
Most people agree that the internet has changed their lives for the better. However, being able to find information and communicate with others online can be challenging sometimes. It’s often hard to know whether the information that you find online is true.
What online information can I trust?
Being able to tell if something on the internet is accurate is tough for everyone, not just teens. Always question any information you read online until you’re able to figure out whether or not it’s true.
Here are some general tips on how to tell if a web site and information posted is reliable. None of these tips can guarantee that the information you find on a site is accurate, but they can help guide you in evaluating the quality and trustworthiness of what you find online:
- Check the domain name. Web sites that end in .gov or .edu are generally reliable because they’re connected with the United States government and academic institutions. However, just because a website ends in .com doesn’t mean it’s unreliable. You may have to dig a little deeper to figure out whether or not you can trust the source.
- Check the sources. Look for the name of the organization, the author(s) of the website, and the most recent date that the information was updated. Reliable websites often have an “About” or “About Us” page that will give you information about the people or organization that has created the information. Reliable sites often have a list of references that include the source of the information. If the website is created by a person rather than an organization, finding out why they’re publishing the information might help you to figure out whether it’s reliable.
- Check the appearance. Judging a website based on appearance can be extremely subjective, which means that what looks legit to you might not look legit to someone else. It’s best to go with your gut here, if the information or the way it’s presented seems sketchy or makes you uncomfortable, then that’s probably a clue that the site you’re evaluating isn’t reliable. If the information presented is convincing, you’ll probably come across it in other sources (such as a book or scholarly journal) as well, which will help you ensure that the information you find is accurate.
- Check the outgoing links. If the website provides links to other sites, click on them. If the site or information you’re led to is reliable, it’s likely the original website is trustworthy.
- Check the dates. Be sure to check the date(s) that the information on the site was last updated or revised. This will help you figure out if the site is maintained regularly and if the information is current.
- Check the facts. If you’re looking for facts, check out a few different websites to compare information. If you find the same information from a few different sources, you can be fairly sure you’ve found correct information. You’ll also know which websites are reliable and can visit them again in the future.
- Check with people. Librarians and your child’s teachers are usually good resources to help you identify accurate and trustworthy websites. You can also ask your daughter’s health care provider about web sites to go to for reliable health information. Once you find a reliable web site, you can bookmark it so you can easily find again later.
This health guide is made possible by a grant from the The Comcast Foundation.